Did you ever have a moment when the world seemed to be telling you something?
Truth be told, I don’t want to believe in coincidences, or fate, or that separate, isolated incidents could be somehow related. If there’s any semblance of truth to Occam’s Razor, it’s more likely that I am seeing a pattern, than it is that the universe is creating one for my benefit. It’s important that this perspective is noted, even if only to remind myself that the universe isn’t here to tell me what to do.
Here are the facts:
- I haven’t been putting a lot of energy into both this website, as well as my writing career.
- I have instead been putting said energy into my regular, everyday, nine-to-five (well, eight-to-four) job.
- I have been less happy.
Whether my state of mind is the result of items one and two, I cannot say for certain. However, certain recent events in relation to Item 2 have made it understood that the energy I have spent may have been misdirected.
In other words, I started to care too much for my job. There’s a philosophical question in here somewhere, along the lines of “How much should one care about their job?”, but that’s not why I’m writing today. I’m writing, because of some deep understanding within myself that I’ve missed many aspects of writing, both via blogging and via books. There are some aspects that I don’t miss, but, as a whole, I am more fulfilled when I am writing than when I am not.
I hesitate to declare anything more than that, because life is too complex to make promises (such as “I’m going to write more often”) that are at risk of not being met. But I am making motions that are noteworthy. For instance, I’ve updated the blog engine. I’ve also cleaned up a little, having removed the archives of my past writings, with the intent of not feeling beholden to any format and/or topics of the past. I’m calling this my do-over, as blogging has changed immensely in the past ten years.
Finally, I’ve posted this entry. I’m still unsure about many things surrounding this action. For example, how often should I post? Does it matter? And more curious for me, for whom do I write this? For the longest time, I had a sizable audience, and felt pressured/required to write to that audience. In the end, that didn’t work for me, as it made it feel like a job. A job, mind you, that didn’t pay nearly as well as the one I participate in from eight A.M. to four P.M., Monday through Friday.
I’m working on the answers to these questions on a case-by-case basis.
There are things that haven’t changed. I’m still immensely curious about a whole lot of different things. And I still have a predilection for having a good time. “Hedonist”, accidental or otherwise, is still a good word for who I am. Another question, for me, is how much of my own “good time” should be communicated?
Again, I have no answers.
What I do know is that I am expending less energy at my day-job, energy that needs to go somewhere. It’s a good bet that creativity is where that energy is going to go. And for me, creativity almost always has meant writing.
All of this is my long way of saying “Yeah, I haven’t posted in a long time, because I’ve been distracted. I’m less distracted now, which might mean more attention to my writing. But maybe not. At any rate, hello! Again!”