Evidence of the Apocalypse: Canned Whisky

This popped into my inbox last night:

A Panama-based company believes outdoor drinkers would prefer to crack open a tin (of whisky) rather than lug round a bottle of their favourite tipple.

Now bosses at Scottish Spirits – which retains an office in Glasgow – is testing out the novelty on its Caribbean and South American markets.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that this will taste like the bastard child of Clorox and Chivas. My evidence for this? Cans are a medium designed to have the product within consumed in one sitting. If one is drinking 8 ounces of whiskey in one go, whilst on the go, as the article will have you believe, taste is not the primary concern of the target audience.

The Scotch Whisky industry is concerned of course, not over the quality of the product, but rather the fact that the whisky is called “Scottish Spirits”, which may or may not be an infringement against what can call itself “Scotch”. Don’t laugh. Scotch whisky is big business, and many whisky knock-offs have been known to try to get a piece of that pie.

What is a whisky knock-off you ask? Let’s just say that there are some lesser known companies out there who try to gain the character of barrel-aged spirits through less refined means. My guess is that anyone looking to sell whisky in a can is willing to use such means.

The best part of all of this? The can. First there’s the date of 1896. It has less meaning than the 1608 date on a bottle of Bushmills.

Then there’s the latin phrase in the middle – Veni, Vidi, Vici. “I came, I saw, I conquered” for those of you not up on your Caesar. To which I wonder what the hell are consumers of this drink conquering? Their own dignity?

Oh wait, perhaps its in reference to the company who is promoting this. After all, they’ve also made an alcohol-free whisky. Clearly they’ve forgone their dignity quite some time ago.

(A tip of the hat to Stephanie, for providing me this story. This sad, sad, story. )