Food Envy

This is an unexplainable and crippling phenomenon that happens whenever going out to restaurants. Here is how it usually plays out, you spend minutes pouring over your menu asking your dining partner what he/she is having,what they think you should get and trying to decide what sounds the most appetizing. So many options! After sending the waitress away two or three times you think you have finally decided on your fare for the evening. You place your order first and spend the rest of the time glancing at your menu making sure you ordered exactly what you wanted. Then you hear your dining partner doing the unthinkable – changing their order from what they had told you they were going to get. The nerve! You think frantically about your order making sure once again that it is what you REALLY want, wondering how bad the waitress will hurt you if you decide to change your order.

Too embarrassed to interrupt the waitress to tell her you have changed your mind you leave your order as is and secretly hope that it is better than then other person’s meal. When you finally get your food you realize your intuition was right, you should have stopped the waitress and had her change your order. Your partner’s food looks so much better than your own. You find yourself salivating at every bite they pick up and place into their mouth, silently cursing yourself all the while. You are leaning in, staring as they eat and are hearing only every third word in the conversation, concentrating only on their food. Some people are mean too. They know they have the better meal and make a point to close their eyes, sigh “Mmmmmmm…” and lick their lips. Every bite is watched in slow motion from cutting to placing in the mouth, chewing and finally swallowing. All of this while you are on the other side of the table drooling like one of Pavlov’s dogs.Oh man are they cruel, why are you even friends with someone like this?

You spend the rest of the meal disgusted or at the very least disappointed by your failure to choose the better meal. You are secretly hoping that they will have to get up and go to the bathroom so you can steal a bite of their fare without them knowing. While in the restroom you can plan the next scam. You can try to tell them that their dinner looks absolutely fabulous and could you pretty please with sugar on top have a bite? Another option is to hope they leave leftovers when you can inconspicuously tip the waitress to change your doggie bag for theirs. You have to be sneaky with some people. All is fair in love and food.

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