It’s the holidays. The chance to carry your favorite food dishes to various parties, celebrations and other festive get togethers. Below I have a list of rules of thumb to consider when planning on what food to take where.
- Do make something you’ve made before. Friends and party-goers should never be thought of as guinea pigs to your experimental chocolate covered green beans.
- Don’t skimp on quality hooch. 20 year old scotch? Yes! Mad Dog 20/20? NO!
- Do try to remain traditional. Easter Eggs are probably a tough sell for a Christmas Party.
- Don’t feel you have to please everyone. Call this the “Vegan” rule. There’s nothing worse than every dish at a party being vegan-conscious, when only 5% of the party-goers are vegans. And cookies without butter generally taste like cakes of sawdust.
- Do try things you have never tried before. How do you think things become a tradition in the first place?
- Don’t describe the new things you try as “interesting”. It’s an insult. Really.
- Do learn how to lie about dishes you hate. It’s the holdiays. Why ruin it just because Aunt Janet felt the urge to share with you her party salad of indeterminate origin? Consider the lie your gift to Aunt Janet.
- Don’t be the drunkest person in the room. That way you can say “Yeah, I was drunk, but at least I wasn’t as bad as Nancy! Sheesh!”
- Do leave room for dessert.
- Don’t worry about gaining weight. Save that thought for New Years Day.
- Do make cookies. It’s a wonderful return of investment. You can make 2 dozen, give them to your co-workers, and get 8 dozen in return.
- Don’t give anyone the Tollhouse Cookie recipe. They already have it.
- Do research wines before buying one for friends. If you unknowingly pick a crappy wine, you may insult your friends.
- Don’t buy your dishes from your local supermarket’s deli counter. We’ll know, and then we’ll talk about you behind your back.
- Do feel free to bring a sausage and cheese plate. They’re bite sized and tasty.
- Don’t use Kraft Slices as cheese. It’s simply a good year long practice. (I HATE KRAFT!)
- Do give out the recipe for the dishes you make for others. Witholding a recipe that you just made makes you look cruel. “Did you like the chocolate cake I made?”, “Oh yes, it was the best chocolate cake I ever had. Can I have the recipe?”. “Hell no”.
- Don’t make fruitcake. Even as a joke. It’s just not funny.
