Kate’s Laws of Food

(NOTE: Republishing, as I had actually forgotten about them, and want to revisit this idea)

  • Kate’s Law of Walnut Pie Goodness: Dark Corn Syrup is your friend.
  • Kate’s Law of American Food Companies: One should never under-estimate the unnatural things that American food companies will do to natural foods.
  • Kate’s Law of the Bacon Cheeseburger: If a restaurant provides a bacon cheeseburger on its menu, but not a plain cheeseburger, odds are good that the bacon is used to mask the fact that the burger has little or no taste.
  • Kate’s Law of Saucing: The amount of sauce applied to a dish should be enough to compliment any accompanying taste, rather than covering any accompanying taste.
  • Kate’s Law of Risotto Making NEVER WALK AWAY FROM A RISOTTO.
  • Kate’s Law of Baked Cookies Cookies baked in the oven taste best when directly from the oven.
  • Kate’s Law of the Proportional Cost of Burritos The more money spent on a burrito, the higher probability of disappointment in the dish.
  • Kate’s Law of The Exponential Taste Increase of Soup. One can improve the taste of most soups simply by serving a tasty sandwich.

    The corollary to this law is that the crunchier the crust of the sandwich bread, the more effective the sandwich will be in improving the taste of the soup.

  • Kate’s Law of Christmas Cookie Baking – Unless one is a professional baker, one should make no more than five different cookie recipes for any Holiday season, for if more are made, one risks loosing the joy of Holiday baking.
  • Kate’s Law of Inverse Misunderstanding: The bigger the media push of a food/health story, the more likely that people will misunderstand its basic premise.
  • Kate’s Law of Food Quote Attribution: When in doubt about who said a witty phrase dealing with food, a good guess is always Jeffry Steingarten. When the witty phrase has the word ‘fuck’ in it, a better guess is Anthony Bourdain.
  • Kate’s Law of Steak Equivalency: A well made sauce will not save a poorly prepared cut of meat.
  • Kate’s Law of Mediocrity: There is no such thing as a great buffet. (Corollary: An Indian buffet is the only cuisine that has the chance to be great in a buffet setting.)