Kraft Foods vs. Satan

With Apologies to Nick Bakay

It’s time for tale of the tape, where we align two seemingly dissimilar items and contrast them against once another.

Today: Kraft Food vs. Satan, which is more evil? We report, you decide.

Satan: Offers forbidden fruit to Adam and Eve, introducing the concept of Original sin.
Kraft: Offers Lunchables to children everywhere.

Advantage – Kraft Foods

Satan: Invented the Black Death
Kraft: Invented Oreo Cookies

Advantage – Satan
oreo o's
Satan: Enjoys tormenting souls before breakfast
Kraft: Enjoys stating that Oreo O’s are a nutritious part of a balanced breakfast.

Advantage – Kraft Foods

Satan: A red hot poker up the tuckus
Kraft: Their Parmesan Cheese

Advantage – Kraft Foods

Satan: Responsible for the suffering of billions.
Kraft: Offers Toblerones and Altoids

Advantage – Satan

Satan: Has feet of a goat
Kraft: Has a ‘processed Cheese sauce’ called Cheeze Whiz

Advantage – Kraft Foods

Satan: Will offer you material wealth for the cost of your soul.
Kraft: Will offer you Philadelphia Cream cheese for the cost of your health


Satan: Appears as evil incarnate throughout the majority of the world’s religions
Kraft: Owned by Tobacco giant RJ Reynold.

Advantage – Kraft Foods.

With the tally 5-2, with one push, we conclude that Kraft Foods is more evil than Satan.

So when you go to the supermarket, be forewarned.

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