Organic Water (Signs of the Food Marketers Apocalypse)

I…just…but…huh?

Organic Water ?

But…Isn’t…I just…By definition…Basic chemical properties…Gah!

From their website:

… Llanllyr Water Company mirrors the ethical aspirations of the Llanllyr Farm over the generations. The farm has been accredited organic by the Soil Association for many years, but more than that it has never been farmed any other way.

Our sources are entirely sustainable. We have Organic Farmers and Growers accreditation for both our line and processes and have established programmes to maximize the use of recycled materials including now over 25% of the glass we use. We are UN Global Compact signatures.

It’s shit like this that makes me believe that marketers are the worst people on the planet.

Here’s some basic science for you (touched upon in the NPR article above). The definition for an inorganic compound is when a compound is considered to be of and inanimate, rather than biological origin. Unless water has somehow learned to gestate and procreate since I last drank a glass , by definition it can never be considered to be organic.

Ever. Not once. Never a chance. Can’t be done. It’d be like saying the Sun not only has a soul, but is a kind one at that, and makes a great neighbor, even if he does have a bit of a temper. It’s like saying that one should avoid eating anything with nitrogen in it, because nitrogen feels pain. It’s akin to saying that you feel sad because you once heard helium cry.

When marketers say stuff like this, it’s admitting that they not only failed seventh grade science, but think everyone else failed it as well.

Oh, and the same thing applies to you bastards selling organic salt.

Gah!!!