It looks as if this “A burrito is not a sandwich” decision hit Panera Bread company pretty hard today, and they are scrambling for answers. I received this in my inbox this morning, but I wouldn’t swear to it’s validity (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
To: Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Locke
From: The Legal Brain Trust of the Panera Bread Co. bakery-and-cafe chain
Thank you for your recent decision regarding the question of whether the burrito is a sandwich. While we don’t agree with your interpretation, we will abide by it.
Meanwhile, we have other lawsuits in the works, as we wish to prevent any competition with other restaurants within a 1/2 mile of any of our locations. As such, we were hoping to get your legal council on whether our actions against the restaurants below have any merit.
- The Athenian Cafe: The gyros they serve – are they sandwiches, or Greek burritos?
- The Jade Dragon: Point of contention – Spring rolls and Hum Bows.
- Lenny’s Bagels: While Lenny only serves bagels and cream cheese, we think that the potenitiality of sandwiches based off of the boiled-then-baked bun is enough to cause us financial harm.
- The International House of Pancakes: Their Pigs in a Blanket (sausage links in a rolled pancake) screams ‘sandwich’.
- Fontana’s Pizzeria: Not only for their calzones, but also because their customers have been spotted folding their slices in the middle of the crust, giving a sandwich-like experience.
- Lobardi’s Italian Cuisine: What is lasagna but an Italian version of a club sandwich, with pasta (which is boiled slices of bread) in place of toast.
- Rothchild’s: They serve Turkey with stuffing, and what is that if not an ‘inverted sandwhich’?
- Lastly…any place that sells pie.
Your response on the above questions would be greatly appreciated.
The Greedy Bastards at Panera Bread.