Tag Archives: Oreos

Kraft Foods vs. Satan

With Apologies to Nick Bakay

It’s time for tale of the tape, where we align two seemingly dissimilar items and contrast them against once another.

Today: Kraft Food vs. Satan, which is more evil? We report, you decide.

Satan: Offers forbidden fruit to Adam and Eve, introducing the concept of Original sin.
Kraft: Offers Lunchables to children everywhere.

Advantage – Kraft Foods

Satan: Invented the Black Death
Kraft: Invented Oreo Cookies

Advantage – Satan
oreo o's
Satan: Enjoys tormenting souls before breakfast
Kraft: Enjoys stating that Oreo O’s are a nutritious part of a balanced breakfast.

Advantage – Kraft Foods

Satan: A red hot poker up the tuckus
Kraft: Their Parmesan Cheese

Advantage – Kraft Foods

Satan: Responsible for the suffering of billions.
Kraft: Offers Toblerones and Altoids

Advantage – Satan

Satan: Has feet of a goat
Kraft: Has a ‘processed Cheese sauce’ called Cheeze Whiz

Advantage – Kraft Foods

Satan: Will offer you material wealth for the cost of your soul.
Kraft: Will offer you Philadelphia Cream cheese for the cost of your health


Satan: Appears as evil incarnate throughout the majority of the world’s religions
Kraft: Owned by Tobacco giant RJ Reynold.

Advantage – Kraft Foods.

With the tally 5-2, with one push, we conclude that Kraft Foods is more evil than Satan.

So when you go to the supermarket, be forewarned.