The USDA Mad Cow Poem

(with apologies to nearly everyone who has a sense of meter and rhyme)

There’s no problem with beef
We authorities say
Have hamburger and steak,
Tartare if you may

Eat Heartily your beef
Dive in and chow
Just ignore that fact that
we tested only .06% of our cows

We promised to do testing
But we barely got to it
So instead we’ll just let
the cattle industry do it

The Beef industry will search
For Mad Cow in the sty
But we’ll ignore their track record
in stopping E. Coli

See, There’s money to lose
And billions long lost
We’re not thinking of health
We’re thinking of cost

If we found that the beef
is full of disease
No meat could be sold
To those darn Japanese.

So as to show
that the problems are few
We’ll stop all the testing
And spin the stats too

Because the surest way
(the only one of the many)
to find zero problems
Is to not look for any

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