Today is officially a travel day. I started with a drop off at Sea-Tac (the Seattle/Tacoma International Airport, for those of you who don’t read abbreviations) at 630 am this morning. By 3 o’clock local time I should be in Chicago for a flight that takes off at 7:30 and lands in Dublin tomorrow morning at 8:30. Today is officially a wash, as I will spend all of it in terminals or at 35,000 feet. Neither is amenable for a peaceful state of mind.
I have been to all corners of the United States, at least the contiguous 48. This is my first trip overseas. To say I’m excited is equivalent to saying that our president has popularity problems. Both are technically true but they both fall short of capturing the true essence of the reality. I’m more like a housecat who has just heard a can of tuna being opened.
Not even the lack of electrical outlets and the cost wi-fi at Sea-Tac can get me down (quick travel tips: In terminal A, there’s the mountain restaurant that has a few outlets that are often open. And as far as having to pay for wi-fi? Bring your own mobile broadband card. It’ll make you feel superior. Honest. And if you travel a lot in the States, (or even from coffee house to coffee house in your city or town) it’s a major convenience.
As I have to keep myself amused during the next 24 hours of travel, I’ve decided to follow up to this post. Of course, this post should be subtitled “How to annoy airport personal and risk jail time”
- Collect 10 little liquor bottles. Set them up in the airplane’s aisle like bowling pins. Roll an apple or orange at them.
- Threaten to walk out of the movie being shown.
- Fill out the In flight Magazine’s crossword puzzle with fake spy codes. Leave for next passenger to find.
- Talk to the pilot on your way out. Make them jealous by bragging about your jet collection (only works if you are John Travolta).
- Pout when you don’t get the same meal as first class. Create a petition and get your fellow coach passengers to sign.
- Pace nervously at the terminal gate. When they announce boarding, cheer joyously and pass out cigars.
- Keep your shoes off after you go through security. Refuse to put them back on. If asked, say that you are “fighting terrorism”.While shoes are off, treat the linoleum of the terminal as a speed skating rink.
- Head to the Starbucks at the airport. Ask the barrista “Is this the flight to Seattle?”
- Request turn down service to the flight attendants when you enter the plane. Ask if they will read you a story before you fall asleep.
- As you de-plane, let the flight attendants know that you refuse to tip them, as 15% of your airplane ticket will break your budget.
- As you get to the gate after you deplane, fan your nose and exclaim to any waiting passengers “You do NOT want to go in there! They served cabbage on the flight!”
