When Scotch Meets Strawberry

Picture in your mind, a company board room in Scotland…

COMPANY PRESIDENT: Gentlemen, it seems as if we’re not making as much money as we should be. We’re far behind the larger scotch whiskey makers in sales and we’re losing marketshare. I need ideas. Give them to me.

There is general murmuring amongst the several particpants of this discussion.

SYCOPHANT #1: We could explore untapped markets.

PRESIDENT: Good, good.

SYCOPHANT #2: Senior Citizens? Children?(snapping his fingers in a moment of Eureaka) Women! Women don’t drink scotch!

SYCOPHANT #4: …Yet. Women don’t drink scotch yet.

PRESIDENT: Great idea number 2!

SYCOPHANT #3: But how do we market scotch to women?

SYCOPHANT #1: Coupons?

SYCOPHANT #4: Free Candles?

SYCOPHANT #2: Flavored Scotch? After all, flavored vodkas sell well.

PRESIDENT: Man, you are on fire today Sycophant #2!

SYCOPHANT #2 blushes and grins as the several other Sycophants pat him on the back and give him high fives.

PRESIDENT: But what kind of flavors?

the group of men look pensive as they think about what flavors women would want.

SYCOPHANT #5: Potpourri?

SYCOPHANT #3: Brazilian Mist?

PRESIDENT: Brazilian Mist?

SYCOPHANT #2 Strawberry?

SYCOPHANT #1: Hey, that’s right! Women like strawberries!

Sycophant #2 beams with pride as the high fiving and other similar frivolity continues.

PRESIDENT: Strawberry flavored scotch! Who would have believed it?

On the opposite end of the room, a small, nebbish man by the name of JENKINS raises his hand as he finishes reading a report.

JENKINS: Uh…sir?

PRESIDENT: What is it Jenkins?

JENKINS: Couldn’t we get a decent marketshare if we, uh, y’know, made a better whisky? Perhaps we wouldn’t look so shallow and prejudiced towards women in how we bring a new product to market. I’m just saying.. y’know, that it looks like we’re being a tad patronizing…

Jenkins notices the room has gotten deathly silent, as if he had shown up to a funeral wearing nothing but knickers and a smile. The other sycophants stare at him as they stand behind the president.

JENKINS: I’m so fired, aren’t I?

The president nods and Jenkins leaves. The party starts up again, with all of the men congratulating themselves on how they’re about to corner the women’s scotch market.

+++++++++++++++

Okay, so it didn’t really go like that, but damn. They really did say that “We decided we wanted something aimed at the younger, female drinker – we thought there was a real gap in the market”

Of course they’ve tested the drink. The anecdotal results? Of all of the people who have tried it, only a handful haven’t liked it, and surprisingly, they were all women.

Sometime these posts write themselves.

(via Liquor Snob)

Technorati Tags: Drink, Scotch, Whisky, Marketing


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