When Scotch Meets Strawberry

Picture in your mind, a company board room in Scotland…

COMPANY PRESIDENT: Gentlemen, it seems as if we’re not making as much money as we should be. We’re far behind the larger scotch whiskey makers in sales and we’re losing marketshare. I need ideas. Give them to me.

There is general murmuring amongst the several particpants of this discussion.

SYCOPHANT #1: We could explore untapped markets.

PRESIDENT: Good, good.

SYCOPHANT #2: Senior Citizens? Children?(snapping his fingers in a moment of Eureaka) Women! Women don’t drink scotch!

SYCOPHANT #4: …Yet. Women don’t drink scotch yet.

PRESIDENT: Great idea number 2!

SYCOPHANT #3: But how do we market scotch to women?

SYCOPHANT #1: Coupons?

SYCOPHANT #4: Free Candles?

SYCOPHANT #2: Flavored Scotch? After all, flavored vodkas sell well.

PRESIDENT: Man, you are on fire today Sycophant #2!

SYCOPHANT #2 blushes and grins as the several other Sycophants pat him on the back and give him high fives.

PRESIDENT: But what kind of flavors?

the group of men look pensive as they think about what flavors women would want.

SYCOPHANT #5: Potpourri?

SYCOPHANT #3: Brazilian Mist?

PRESIDENT: Brazilian Mist?

SYCOPHANT #2 Strawberry?

SYCOPHANT #1: Hey, that’s right! Women like strawberries!

Sycophant #2 beams with pride as the high fiving and other similar frivolity continues.

PRESIDENT: Strawberry flavored scotch! Who would have believed it?

On the opposite end of the room, a small, nebbish man by the name of JENKINS raises his hand as he finishes reading a report.

JENKINS: Uh…sir?

PRESIDENT: What is it Jenkins?

JENKINS: Couldn’t we get a decent marketshare if we, uh, y’know, made a better whisky? Perhaps we wouldn’t look so shallow and prejudiced towards women in how we bring a new product to market. I’m just saying.. y’know, that it looks like we’re being a tad patronizing…

Jenkins notices the room has gotten deathly silent, as if he had shown up to a funeral wearing nothing but knickers and a smile. The other sycophants stare at him as they stand behind the president.

JENKINS: I’m so fired, aren’t I?

The president nods and Jenkins leaves. The party starts up again, with all of the men congratulating themselves on how they’re about to corner the women’s scotch market.


Okay, so it didn’t really go like that, but damn. They really did say that “We decided we wanted something aimed at the younger, female drinker – we thought there was a real gap in the market”

Of course they’ve tested the drink. The anecdotal results? Of all of the people who have tried it, only a handful haven’t liked it, and surprisingly, they were all women.

Sometime these posts write themselves.

(via Liquor Snob)

Technorati Tags: Drink, Scotch, Whisky, Marketing

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